The touch of a man has come to make me dispassionate to my prey these days, I cannot bare the touch of a man that is not him human or otherwise without feeling ill.
I've tried so long to ignore the broken shards cutting at my heart, but the pain it becomes relentless ... I can no longer ease this pain....the wall I have built has become stronger over time to strong for me to hold up.
His face it still haunts me so that I can longer see past his dark eyes piercing me with love and conviction... the shadows and curves of his facial features and his black hair falling to hide his dismay... how I long to push it away from his beautiful face and inspect him every inch of him to know he is safe and alive , to hold him to my heart so that he can hear my love for him.
How long must I be cursed to live on without him? , I am asked the impossible!. I am just alone and lost without him I do not see my way, everything has become to dark. I am cold without his warmth and weak without his strength... I will him to breath into me and make me real again but I no longer feel his presence with me anymore , I feel he has passed on to another life without me and I have lost him forever.
This truth is wrenching at my gut ,my heart feels as though it is dieing and spreading its rot through my entire body to cause me ache and despair ... I fear I cannot bare much longer this way....
I cannot pray to god I cannot beseech him for mercy as he does not hear my cry , I'm only forsaken and no longer his child...
I can do no more than mourn my loss for him every single day ,as my heart does not beat the same rhythm without his heart guiding mine ...
Until the dawn.... la revedere..xx
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