my heart , my soul, my love

Great time has passed since I last was able to see his face or touch him and caress his skin gently with my finger tips ...to feel my lips on his neck and to sink into his warm flesh and his sweet honey. My heart it aches so , it yearns for his presence like nothing else and nobody other. I have accompanied other men for their blood but it will never satisfy my body's need for his inside of me and around me ..his blood flowing through my veins making my soul call for his . It is the only thing left I can feel, and it hurts , as if I am suffocating or I have decided to face the mornings light and walk into the sun . I do not know what to do with this aggravation anymore it consumes me.

I can vividly hear his laughs , his sighs, and his utter silence which I adored him for at times... we enjoyed our silence together .... now the silence ,it tortures me. I can see his smiles , and his anger , I can see his pain and it is but bittersweet to me ... I long to hold these memories despite their relentless resolve at my aching heart . Why would fate deliver me this godly creature whom changed my entire life and being as I knew , but to take him away from me and twist apart my insides ? Why would fate be so cruel to take him from me and leave me here to weep for him , not just for a long life ,but for all of eternity?.... does it not hear my cries ? or am I just not sought redeemable of my sins and this is my greatest punishment it deems fit?

Each and every day , I lay prisoner in my room , in the darkness ,safe from the world that has labeled me forsaken. I think of him while I do mindless things . Twirling my hair the way he would have . I suppose this would be when I do my deepest contemplating ... but I am jsut restless as I roll around in bed with my sheets twisting and turning as if to rid myself of the tension..sobbing into my pillow just wishing it was him.

To my sweet love , I hear you and I will love you forever, for my eternity , I will not stop and you must know this and never forget , I pray to you to hear me and wait for me in your resting grounds, wait for me to join you I beg of you.

I feel as though I have poured my heart out to the best I am capable of at this time .. and it is due time for me to drink.

Untill the dawn - la revedere ....xx

Contemplative

Perhaps I may tend to use this more than I had intended , it is nice to have a journal... even though I know there will be not any mortal who could feel the depths of my sorrow. My days grow more weary with time, I know I could probably confess that with each and every passing day. I grow bored and tired with this place like I grow tired hearing the clock tick and watching the dust swirl around in the tiny delicate air currents that conspire in my bedroom.... even with the shades closed tight I can feel the suns arrival and it is making me uneasy and restless ...I feel irritable ...

I have but read every piece of literature in the towns small and frail library , I have but seen every amazing structure which amazed me at one time. I have searched the Internet world countless hours ... for this I feel lucky as my brothers and sisters before me would have not had this opportunity to see what the world would become, still I feel just great un-satisfaction.

I am lacking my once young and spirited mind.... I feel as though my body finally is growing old and my mind follows it's call....but I remain the same on the outside ..this disturbs my inner emotions immensely.

what man would dare touch my cold skin anyways, but that is not my concern I suppose I have even grown tired of companionship as well....

what does this universe have left to offer such a dark soul and heart full of sins such as mine?... a wretched half monster and half woman as great as I !? I know not what I am fully anymore....
I can no longer remember my rights and wrongs only feel them after my dirty deeds have been wrought. But I know... I know in my heart I was a good person once in this life of mine. If only I could remember her. If I could remember my life as a mortal , more than mere bits and pieces I could feel a tiny bit of solace .

I suppose it is time for me to stop dwelling on these matters for now , as it has done me no good.
the sun is upon me and I will go lay now....

untill the dawn - la revedere ....xx

She has a little creepy cat and a little creepy bat ....

Yeh.............. so I really have nothing intereting to write about right now , I'm just bored because I get up at crack of dawns ass then dick around till it's time to get ready, not by choice mind you. so I figured I will make this first entry my formal introduction...my name is Hannah Adria Popovici ...you should all know I am extremely old ( yeh older than your 100 yr old gramma ) and I am tired of this pathetic place and I am cursed to be here for all eternity ... so I get a bit grouchy. secondly most Important I am immortal and I have strong aversions to the sun ( and food) therefore I will not be recording my daily transpondings durring the daylight hours . Thirdly if I had to hear another piece of your modern day "music" I think I would try to kill myself ( not that it would work ) . luckily in about 45 minutes it will be time for me to go ready the fledglings and start my hunt on innocent prey ....( don't worry your pet is safe --I don't like animal blood). that is all for now .............la revedere .......xx