my heart , my soul, my love

Great time has passed since I last was able to see his face or touch him and caress his skin gently with my finger tips ...to feel my lips on his neck and to sink into his warm flesh and his sweet honey. My heart it aches so , it yearns for his presence like nothing else and nobody other. I have accompanied other men for their blood but it will never satisfy my body's need for his inside of me and around me ..his blood flowing through my veins making my soul call for his . It is the only thing left I can feel, and it hurts , as if I am suffocating or I have decided to face the mornings light and walk into the sun . I do not know what to do with this aggravation anymore it consumes me.

I can vividly hear his laughs , his sighs, and his utter silence which I adored him for at times... we enjoyed our silence together .... now the silence ,it tortures me. I can see his smiles , and his anger , I can see his pain and it is but bittersweet to me ... I long to hold these memories despite their relentless resolve at my aching heart . Why would fate deliver me this godly creature whom changed my entire life and being as I knew , but to take him away from me and twist apart my insides ? Why would fate be so cruel to take him from me and leave me here to weep for him , not just for a long life ,but for all of eternity?.... does it not hear my cries ? or am I just not sought redeemable of my sins and this is my greatest punishment it deems fit?

Each and every day , I lay prisoner in my room , in the darkness ,safe from the world that has labeled me forsaken. I think of him while I do mindless things . Twirling my hair the way he would have . I suppose this would be when I do my deepest contemplating ... but I am jsut restless as I roll around in bed with my sheets twisting and turning as if to rid myself of the tension..sobbing into my pillow just wishing it was him.

To my sweet love , I hear you and I will love you forever, for my eternity , I will not stop and you must know this and never forget , I pray to you to hear me and wait for me in your resting grounds, wait for me to join you I beg of you.

I feel as though I have poured my heart out to the best I am capable of at this time .. and it is due time for me to drink.

Untill the dawn - la revedere ....xx